The Middle

If you haven't read the previous post, "The Beginning", please do so before reading "The Middle"...it only makes sense folks.

I had the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass surgery on August 10, 2006, on August 12 they woke me up.

Before I continue, everything that follows is from either my personal memory or the memory of those around me, any inaccuracies are unintentional.

The surgery was scheduled to last between four to six hours, mine lasted ten and a half. My wife, my Mother-in-Law and myself arrived at the hospital and before I sat down I was taken into a small curtained room. After stripping nekid and putting on some awesome little booties, I found my wife and I in another little curtained room awaiting surgery. The next thing I remember is yanking the intubation tube out of my throat, later on I found out my arms were restrained but somehow dumb ass me finds a way to reach up and yank the damn thing out. Needless to say the nurse was pissed which confounded me, since I saved her and the Doctor a job.

I was sedated for the next two days and awoke in ICU on Saturday, upon waking I could vaguely make out my wife sitting next to me. Mind you I'm legally blind without my glasses...yes I'm white and nerdy. The first thing I hear is, and I'm paraphrasing, there were complications with the surgery, but you're going to be fine.

Eventually I pieced together most of the surgery from the minds of everyone around me. The first part of the surgery went according to plan, it was performed laparoscopically and included a snip here, a snip there, a new stomach pouch and voila. At this point the surgeon performs some tests to verify there are no leaks, well apparently I was leaking like a stuck pig. The more the Surgeon tried to resolve the situation the more leaks that sprang up...and yes...sprang up is appropriate. At this point He makes the decision to slice me open, I'm guessing he felt he could get a better look at my insides and resolve the problem easier. So to tally, I now have six holes in my abdomen and a gash beginning between the man-boobs and ending a few inches above the belly button.

Well......that didn't work, still leaking like a stuck pig. Mind you I have no idea where that saying originates but apparently if you stick a pig it will bleed a lot or something. At this point of the operation the Surgeon makes the decision to abandon the Gastric Bypass surgery, He is then left with putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. This is where things get fuzzy in my understanding and others around me, from what a nurse has told me recently, this is the point that the Surgeon called his office and told a nurse to get the rest of the crew together and tell them to get their asses down here now. The Crew being other surgeons who perform the surgery in his office and other specialists. At this point I had been in surgery about seven hours and no end in sight, after conferring with his colleagues they decided to flop me on my left side and cut me open yet again. This time they cut me open from the middle of my right man-boob around to my back, collapsed my right lung and were thus able to get under my mountains of lard and put Humpty back together again. It has never been confirmed but I'm guessing at this point there was a check for leaks...a successful one I'm guessing and at some point I believe they used a bicycle pump to blow my lung back up. After ten and a half hours, I was rolled into ICU where the aforementioned intubation tube incident occurred.

So to tally once more, I now have six holes in my abdomen, a ten inch gash going down my stomach and a twelve or thirteen inch gash along my right side, and lets not forget all the staples holding me together (over a hundred by my count).

Conclusion to follow...